Sunday, September 8, 2013

When I bare it all for you.

Wear my heart on an open sleeve,
Wait for you to make it bleed,
Feel so numb I cannot feel,
Today I bare it all for you.

Slowly, steadily I fell in deep,
Waited for you to follow me,
Tried so hard to let it go,
Today I bare it all for you.

Let my tears wash away my sins,
Wait for you to let me in,
Seems like I’m groping in the dark,
Today I’ll bare it all for you.

You cannot know, you’ll never know,
The pain inside, I never let it show,
Perhaps this is the way it’s meant to be,
Today I bare it all for you.


Thursday, June 27, 2013

Memories, memoirs.

As I lay there on my bed, waiting for sleep to take over me, my thoughts couldn’t help but wander towards that distant yet vivid memory. Working through my thoughts, I could feel that emptiness at the pit of my stomach. The familiar feeling of a knot twisting inside, the gut-wrenching memory attacked me from all sides without warning. But I guess that’s what memories do.


One day can change a lot and leave you with so many unanswered questions for the rest of your lifetime. One day is all it takes and believe me, it was one such fateful day that left me with nothing but bitterness and turned the believer in me into a cynic for the rest of my life.

It was a summer evening- it was hot, hazy and if I remember, humid. I can still recall the smell of fresh earth, men’s cologne and freshly cut grass. We were sitting in the park. Both of us, not looking at each other and barely talking. When did it all come to this? 

With his eyes still on ground, he said, “I think it’s time”. I remember the heaviness in my head. The lightness in his tone. As if this never mattered to him in the first place.  I could feel my heart beating faster, my pulse quickening. “So this is it then?” I whispered faintly, not being able to speak with the same kind of casual carelessness that he displayed. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t speak.

“Walk away, walk away” My mind told me. But my treacherous heart didn’t want to let go. I summoned up the courage to get up. He still didn’t look at me. What was I to do? I stepped on to the pavement. I thought my leaving would elicit some response but I was wrong. Drawing in huge gulps of air, I finally told myself to walk away with dignity. Yes, dignity. Because that was all I had anymore.  And so I walked. He didn’t stop me. So I walked on.

After that day, I never saw him again. He visited me in my dreams, but that was just about all the contact I had with him. I guess these things can hit you hard.
They can bring out sides in you that you never knew existed. They can also bury those parts of you that you would ideally want to hold on to. Sometimes memories that you have swept under the rug can haunt you. But I guess that’s what memories do.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Six feet under

Beneath that cynical facade,
lies a beating heart,
Somewhere far away,
written on stone, engraved
there lies an open grave...

The ultimate destination-the final one,
six feet under when the heart is almost done,
We'll bury it in the dark,
We'll bury it so deep,
Bury it soon so we can't hear it beat.

In a black box there lies the heart,
strong and resilient, though we ripped it apart,
refusing to give up, not willing to give in,
it beats even today, it's fragments still living.



Saturday, March 23, 2013

That's what he said.




I think we’re all familiar with Newton’s laws of motion, his claim to fame. According to Newton’s first law of motion “An object remains in a state of rest or of uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change that state by an applied force”. In other words, all objects resist a change in their state of motion.
In a qualitative way, the tendency of undisturbed objects to stay at rest or to keep moving with the same velocity is called INERTIA.

Some of you might be wondering why I’m talking physics. Being a student with a science background, it may seem like a natural thing but to be honest, Physics was never my cup of tea( or coffee). No, I hated physics. But there is definitely something beautiful about how we can apply almost every theory or law, be it einstein’s theory of relativity or Galileo’s contributions- everything can be applied to our daily lives.

One such law that interests me particularly is Newton’s law of inertia. How many times have we faced a block in our lives?
Be it a writer’s block (something I am most familiar with though I don’t make any false claims about being a writer), or a mid-life crisis, and in some cases a quarter life crisis. We’re managing crises day by day, and some of us, nay, most of us feel like we’re stuck in something we can’t maneuver out of in a jiffy. Most of the times, we’re blocked and a state of inertia sets in wherein we give up and stay put- conveniently comfortable with the state of affairs.

Now as Newton said, A force at this time becomes necessary to compel the object (in this case, us) to get moving. How to break the status quo? Force! And where does this force get generated? Here’s the interesting part- from within. This may be a blasphemy for all the physics lovers out there, because it contradicts a lot of laws and theories which will never recognize how a body can generate force on its own, but this is something I do believe in. In my own opinion, the best way to get out of an inertia-like state is to motivate yourself and find that drive. You have to question yourself- what drives you? It could be as simple as a granola bar, or a long motivational chat with a friend, even an unlikely inspiration or a desire to attain a long term goal. Anything that gets us moving, keeps us going and gives us a sense of purpose or direction.

For me, what works always is a little bit of introspection.
A look within, to figure out what it is that I want- be it short term or long term. Ultimately this becomes a driving force and I find myself moving after a long and numbingly comfortable hiatus.

Before signing off, I’d like to say that make whatever works work for you, but get moving. Life is too short to be wasted.
May the force be with you!







Saturday, February 23, 2013

Tales of a conflict-ridden mind


Memories fade away
Try as you might to make them stay
Roses wither away
Tired of the games we play
Loves me, loves me not
Love me do and spare a thought
Let this moment freeze,
Can we stay silent please?
This conflict inside of me,
All these stories are make-believe
See me through the looking glass
Staring back at me, my past
No running, no hiding
Just facing and fighting
Thoughts scattered on the floor
Empty room and broken door
Keys and locks, locks and keys
Can you stay here with me please?
Empty promises and lies,
Right or wrong, who decides?
Let this moment freeze,
Silence, I beg you please…