A very warm hello to all! I know it has been ages since I’ve blogged and I must say, it took a hell lot of effort to get back to blogging. Somehow, even though life throws so much at you that there really is no dearth of matter to write about, I still couldn’t find the will to write (God only knows why). But here I am, back again and it actually feels good. So I think I shall fill you all in on what’s been happening.
EXAMS!
In less than a month.
And as is always the case, whatever little creativity I do possess decides to come out only at this time! So I have been attempting to sing, to write, to read and to basically do everything that I never really do, all at this crucial time. (This also includes attempting to cook!). Also, being one of those gullible consumers who lap up everything they show in TV advertisements, I found myself browsing through a whole plethora of books on Flipkart (And I ended up ordering 2 as well!). Well, suffice it to say, Flipkart pretty much equals consumer satisfaction.
But this is not all I want to write about. You see, there is a lot that is on my mind and being the epitome of disorganization, I cannot seem to find the correct and straightforward way of writing about them without talking in circles. So please bear with me while I struggle to find the right words.
First, let me start off by telling you why turning 20 scares me . Yes, I am turning 20 in about two months, so the big number is pretty much looming large over my head. Thing is, I kind of always wanted to turn twenty. I had a whole image in my head of who the 20-year-old me would be. A bad case of Acne was certainly not part of it. Nor was the fact that I would actually not be ‘mature’ enough as my parents put it. (Although now I do feel sometimes that the whole concept of maturity is overrated, but that could also be a case of sour grapes so let’s not dwell on it). Well basically I always thought I would be a certain way and right now, far far away from my fantasyland , I am not even close to being that way. But is it really that bad?
I think somewhere in the back of our heads, there is almost a utopian concept of who we are and who we want to be. We all aspire to be a certain way, to look the part, to be secure in our relationships and to be a little worldly-wise. When we meet and interact with others, we find diversity at its best So many different personalities and yet we are uncertain of who we really are. Sometimes we want to change-maybe a few aspects of our personality or even a total overhaul, the desire stems out of a need to be accepted and liked by the people around us.
And in the midst of such a confusion, we tend to forget what is inherent in our nature and what we are. Yes, the situation is better known as an ‘Identity Crisis’ or even ‘finding yourself’, ‘soul searching’ etc.
Even as I struggle to find my own identity, trying to do different things to figure out what I really want from life, I find comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, I will always be surrounded by people that I love the most- my family and friends. And for that, I am grateful. Although there is more I would like to write on this, I think for now this is all I would like to share. Perhaps I will add more when I have had the right kind of epiphanies.
And to close, I will quote one of my dearest and nearest friends,
“Life will be what I want it to be, and not what it wants me to be”—Kriti Bagga ( ☺ )
XoXo
Nikita
