Minds out of order

Objectively speaking, fear of the unknown breeds irrational fears of disorder around us. So accustomed to a framework of rules and the comfortable existence of order and organisation, Humans tend to seek reassurance from knowing that there is clarity in this confusing paradigm. At a very primal level, Humans need order and find chaos rather mind-boggling. Anarchy gives way to order, to government and to a framework within which we choose to function.

As far as comprehension goes, even in that aspect we are constantly trying to understand everything around us, which is not to be looked at negatively, I personally am a proponent of advancement in science and technology which makes it possible to explore the unexplored and understand what could not have been understood before.

If we look at the civilizations that have existed at one point of time in history and faded away gradually, barring a few like the Indus Valley Civilization, most societies like the Egyptians and Greeks for instance turned to worshipping nature to explain the occurrence of death, of calamities, of ailments. So here too, we can observe how the human species sought order, by establishing rituals, rites and practices to 'appease the gods' and prevent any unwanted events from occurring.

If we go a little deeper, one may ask "Why the need for order?"... The answer is simple. We need order in our lives to feel that we are 'in control'. The need for order goes deeper than just that, it is actually our basic need to have control in our lives. Our own insecurity which arises whenever there is uncertainty leads us to seek greater control- over our future as well as our present. 

To wrap up, I'd like to leave you all with a thought.

What is it that you prefer, the picture in high definition or a blurry, pixelated mish-mash?

I think we know the answer to that.

When I bare it all for you.

Wear my heart on an open sleeve,

Wait for you to make it bleed,

Feel so numb I cannot feel,

Today I bare it all for you.

Slowly, steadily I fell in deep,

Waited for you to follow me,

Tried so hard to let it go,

Today I bare it all for you.

Let my tears wash away my sins,

Wait for you to let me in,

Seems like I’m groping in the dark,

Today I’ll bare it all for you.

You cannot know, you’ll never know,

The pain inside, I never let it show,

Perhaps this is the way it’s meant to be,

Today I bare it all for you.

Memories, memoirs.

As I lay there on my bed, waiting for sleep to take over me, my thoughts couldn’t help but wander towards that distant yet vivid memory. Working through my thoughts, I could feel that emptiness at the pit of my stomach. The familiar feeling of a knot twisting inside, the gut-wrenching memory attacked me from all sides without warning. But I guess that’s what memories do.

One day can change a lot and leave you with so many unanswered questions for the rest of your lifetime. One day is all it takes and believe me, it was one such fateful day that left me with nothing but bitterness and turned the believer in me into a cynic for the rest of my life.

It was a summer evening- it was hot, hazy and if I remember, humid. I can still recall the smell of fresh earth, men’s cologne and freshly cut grass. We were sitting in the park. Both of us, not looking at each other and barely talking. When did it all come to this? 

With his eyes still on ground, he said, “I think it’s time”. I remember the heaviness in my head. The lightness in his tone. As if this never mattered to him in the first place.  I could feel my heart beating faster, my pulse quickening. “So this is it then?” I whispered faintly, not being able to speak with the same kind of casual carelessness that he displayed. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t speak.

“Walk away, walk away” My mind told me. But my treacherous heart didn’t want to let go. I summoned up the courage to get up. He still didn’t look at me. What was I to do? I stepped on to the pavement. I thought my leaving would elicit some response but I was wrong. Drawing in huge gulps of air, I finally told myself to walk away with dignity. Yes, dignity. Because that was all I had anymore.  And so I walked. He didn’t stop me. So I walked on.

After that day, I never saw him again. He visited me in my dreams, but that was just about all the contact I had with him. I guess these things can hit you hard.

They can bring out sides in you that you never knew existed. They can also bury those parts of you that you would ideally want to hold on to. Sometimes memories that you have swept under the rug can haunt you. But I guess that’s what memories do.

Six feet under

Beneath that cynical facade,
lies a beating heart,
Somewhere far away,
written on stone, engraved
there lies an open grave...

The ultimate destination-the final one,
six feet under when the heart is almost done,
We'll bury it in the dark,
We'll bury it so deep,
Bury it soon so we can't hear it beat.

In a black box there lies the heart,
strong and resilient, though we ripped it apart,
refusing to give up, not willing to give in,
it beats even today, it's fragments still living.

That's what he said.

I think we’re all familiar with Newton’s laws of motion, his claim to fame. According to Newton’s first law of motion “An object remains in a state of rest or of uniform motion in a straight line unless compelled to change that state by an applied force”. In other words, all objects resist a change in their state of motion.

In a qualitative way, the tendency of undisturbed objects to stay at rest or to keep moving with the same velocity is called INERTIA.

Some of you might be wondering why I’m talking physics. Being a student with a science background, it may seem like a natural thing but to be honest, Physics was never my cup of tea( or coffee). No, I hated physics. But there is definitely something beautiful about how we can apply almost every theory or law, be it einstein’s theory of relativity or Galileo’s contributions- everything can be applied to our daily lives.

One such law that interests me particularly is Newton’s law of inertia. How many times have we faced a block in our lives?

Be it a writer’s block (something I am most familiar with though I don’t make any false claims about being a writer), or a mid-life crisis, and in some cases a quarter life crisis. We’re managing crises day by day, and some of us, nay, most of us feel like we’re stuck in something we can’t maneuver out of in a jiffy. Most of the times, we’re blocked and a state of inertia sets in wherein we give up and stay put- conveniently comfortable with the state of affairs.

Now as Newton said, A force at this time becomes necessary to compel the object (in this case, us) to get moving. How to break the status quo? Force! And where does this force get generated? Here’s the interesting part- from within. This may be a blasphemy for all the physics lovers out there, because it contradicts a lot of laws and theories which will never recognize how a body can generate force on its own, but this is something I do believe in. In my own opinion, the best way to get out of an inertia-like state is to motivate yourself and find that drive. You have to question yourself- what drives you? It could be as simple as a granola bar, or a long motivational chat with a friend, even an unlikely inspiration or a desire to attain a long term goal. Anything that gets us moving, keeps us going and gives us a sense of purpose or direction.

For me, what works always is a little bit of introspection.

A look within, to figure out what it is that I want- be it short term or long term. Ultimately this becomes a driving force and I find myself moving after a long and numbingly comfortable hiatus.

Before signing off, I’d like to say that make whatever works work for you, but get moving. Life is too short to be wasted.

May the force be with you!

Tales of a conflict-ridden mind

Memories fade away

Try as you might to make them stay

Roses wither away

Tired of the games we play

Loves me, loves me not

Love me do and spare a thought

Let this moment freeze,

Can we stay silent please?

This conflict inside of me,

All these stories are make-believe

See me through the looking glass

Staring back at me, my past

No running, no hiding

Just facing and fighting

Thoughts scattered on the floor

Empty room and broken door

Keys and locks, locks and keys

Can you stay here with me please?

Empty promises and lies,

Right or wrong, who decides?

Let this moment freeze,

Silence, I beg you please…

Kaleidoscope

As my foolish thoughts unfold,

So do my sins and the lies that I’ve told,

I stand alone in the volley of my misgivings,

Shut in from the break of day, shut out from the living.

Trying to reach out to the world outside,

But no one heard me as I cried,

Like crushed pieces of glass in a kaleidoscope ,

Weaving patterns of distant hope.

Fleeting moments of clarity,

What to think, what to believe?

And as if by a miracle it dawns on me,

What has befuddled my mind for all of eternity.

Because in the end we all want to hope,

Because in the end we all want to believe,

Because in end we’ve all been shown,

Yes, in the end we stand alone.